If I may paraphrase Mick Foley, I’m not Old School; I’m from the school that burned down before the Old School was built. To continue the lucha metaphor -and my regular listeners do know my fondness for the squared circle- , anyone out there remember Paul E. Dangerously? That was Paul Heyman’s late 80s heel manager character in the indies and WCW, prior to his ECW heyday. The name was a reference to Michael Keaton -who Heyman resembled- in the film Johnny Dangerously. The Paul E. character was a stereotypically abrasive, loudmouth, yuppie New Yorker, of the sort vilified anywhere West of the Hudson. He carried a cell phone -which in those days was quite uncommon- that was the size of a brick and had a telescoping antenna. Paul E. yapped incessantly into that contraption at top volume, during promos, announcing stints, even when members of his stable were in the ring. It also made a handy ‘foreign object” for those frequent times when the referee’s attention was diverted. Even though I’ve always considered myself a smart mark who was in on the kayfabe, Paul E. annoyed the hell out of me, specifically because of that Goddamned cell phone. In the 80s, nothing screamed “Inconsiderate Self-Important Pompous Asshole” more than a cellphone. Did anyone in their right mind think that ostentatiously lugging a squawk box everywhere was a good idea? What an annoyance. I lived for the moments when face opponents clobbered Paul E. and smashed his yuppie toy to bits. Unfortunately, as we all know, Paul E. wasn’t just a villainous buffoon, he proved to be a prophet of sorts, for an age now passed. The perpetually plugged-in millions are all gone now, and while the microwave silence has left millions out of sorts, for me it’s a case of addition by subtraction….